Dorisa and Oskar Attempt Churching

Dreams are a funny thing. When I could remember them, I used to have incredibly interesting dreams. They brought us all smiles at times, other times they have left us wondering, "What... why?" Sometimes, on the other hand, dreams can disappoint. Dan once had a dream where he made his bed. I recently had a dream to rival that where I changed a light fixture. Can I really not come up with anything better than that anymore? This is bad news. Maybe my creativity is dying. Or maybe I'm too tired to remember my interesting dreams.

What does he think about?

Sunday, oh Sunday.

I knew the day was going to be interesting right from the off, and interesting is putting it kindly. I didn't sleep well on Saturday night due to the fact that the parasite within is still trying to convince me that she is a martial arts expert. I had slept about three and a half hours when Dan's alarm went off. I tried to fall back asleep. Any normal day I would have been able to do so, but I encountered an unusual and stupid problem: cows.

Don't get me wrong, I love the cow. Giant eyes, cute little baby cows, nummy milk and beef; you can hardly go wrong with the cow. I also acknowledge that I live a bit closer to the country than I am accustomed to and that cows and farming in general is a much more visible and common part of living here. I am still used to the sound of the freeway to lull me to sleep. Cows are a stretch. Some days it even smells like farm here in town (which I much prefer to the occasional sugar beet smell of Fargo). If one leaves the city limits of our town and doesn't see a cow, you are either blind or stupid and don't know what a cow is. This may sound harsh, but seriously- there are cows everywhere. I get it and expect it.

It's not just that the cows were mooing, or lowing as it were. They were having a conniption. I could not believe how loud they were and it was non-stop. I have never been able to hear cows from our house so in my sleepy state I assumed the next thing we would encounter was them charging down the road. And THEN I'm pretty sure I heard gun shots. Having grown up in neither a hunting family nor a particularly dangerous urban area, it's hard to be sure, but that was the logical conclusion. Every 10 minutes or so I heard about 5 shots. I don't know much about slaughtering cattle, but I'm pretty sure this isn't what they were doing. Plus, the mooing just kept going.

That all occurred from 6:30 to 7:00 AM. We were off to a banner start.

Oskar riding the tractor train at the apple orchard.

Church- well, we tried. Dan preached out at Split Rock on Sunday. This is nice because it's a shorter day for him, but it means we all have to leave at the same time since it is not walking distance. We got to the church about a half hour before worship. Oskar had time to run around a bit and dance before the service, which I thought would help. He also went over to the coat rack and took off his shoes. That was weird, but he was adamant this was the right thing to do and I chose not to fight this particular battle.

9:15 the service started. 9:18 I was out of bribery fruit snacks. During the Kyrie/Hymn of Praise, Oskar sprinted out into the narthex. Fine. I don't care. It's a small country church- I can watch him and stay right where I am. I was starting to think this might be a suitable solution. He got a bit loud so I pulled him back into the church and he sat on my lap during the first lesson. Someone walked in at this point carrying a gift bag with a lion on it. Oh the horror.

"Lion! It's a lion! Rarrr!" Thank God there was not a truck on that bag or the accidental profanity could have gotten us excommunicated (which would be quite a feat in the ELCA). We were sitting in the back row. Dan was able to hear him while reading the lesson in the front. It was not quiet. I got out his fancy coloring book and we made it through the Psalm. Second lesson- out the door again. Dan had previously mentioned that Oskar can come up for the children's sermon. So, after retrieving his water bottle and Mister Bear, he runs up to the front of the church (late) for the children's sermon. The kids who attend this church are generally well behaved and have a system. They sit on the top step of the altar and look toward the congregation for the children's sermon. Oskar did not sit. He stood in the aisle. He was standing still so I figured it was fine. Then he started walking. Over to the wall and up the steps and he started playing with the gate. This is a little gate on the side of the altar with 2 doors that swing both ways. The gate comes up to his chin. He was standing behind it and smirking. This was a painful mixture of embarrassment and trying not to laugh. I waited until he was completely distracting, went up to the front and tried to get him to sit with me and listen to the story. I failed. We left the sanctuary (I wrestle/carried Oskar out while he whined/cried).

This is when we had our typical exchange of him wanting to be in the sanctuary but me telling him that we can either sit down in the sanctuary or walk around in the narthex. We will not and can not dance and run around yelling in the front of the sanctuary which is the only thing he wants to do. "Daddy's up there." Yes he is, he is leading worship. Can we sit quietly on the chairs? "Daddy is talking!" Yes he is, that is his job. This answer was unsatisfactory. We left the building to compose ourselves. Please don't suggest that we try sitting in front. That has been done and does not work.

His exact words were, "I have fashion." Can I blame Dan for this?

Do you want to try to listen to daddy's story or do you want to walk around the narthex? He chose to dance in the back of the sanctuary and then he ran out and was absolutely convinced that he needed a hanger. Fine. Have a hanger. This happened while the congregation sang Children of the Heavenly Father.

"Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne'er forsaketh;
his the loving purpose solely to preserve them pure and holy."
"Ahhhhhh!" Oskar charged into the back of the sanctuary brandishing his sword (hanger) above his head and holding Mister Bear behind him in his left hand. Just to finish off the image, remember that he's still not wearing any shoes. He's really fast. Really, REALLY fast. He made it farther into the sanctuary than one would hope. Dan saw all this, composed himself and continued with the Apostles' Creed. Again, we took our leave. Oskar yelling, mommy sweating. We'll just call it our Sunday morning workout routine. It's the most reliable exercise I get.

Running outside. Not in a church. Wonderful.

Someone then helped us out by getting some paper and crayons. I have tried bringing anything and everything to church so he has something to keep him busy. Oskar finds this unacceptable and I end up carrying around a ton of crap that he's uninterested in. The crayons and paper worked for a while and then he let this person hold him during the last hymn. Does he let me hold him? No, no he does not. Not that I want to hold that tank during an entire hymn, but it would be nice to have the option.

Worship over. I sat down and Oskar did whatever the heck he wanted. For about 20 minutes. I just sat. Deep breaths.

Teamwork!

We are very lucky to be in this community. Split Rock Lutheran is an extremely welcoming, vibrant and tight-knit community and if our behavior offended anyone I would be surprised if we ever hear about it. Many of them have large families and they have told me time and time again that they understand and that they have been in the same position. They also seemed genuinely pleased to see us after our pregnancy sabbatical. After today's shenanigans we'll see if they are as happy to see us next time.

Leave one church- go to the other. It was only 10:30 at this point. Sunday was the Harvest Festival which meant a delicious meal awaited us at Brandon Lutheran. It was not a relaxing meal, but we were able to enjoy a bit of conversation with other members of the community. At this point we also learned that the cattle fit we heard could have been weaning occurring at a farm close to town and there is a chance that some sort of hunting season started or something so that would explain the gunshots. I eventually took Oskar into the nursery where he filled his diaper with a special birthday treat for his daddy. Time to go home.

Oskar curled up on my lap and fell asleep within 5 minutes of getting home. He slept for 4 hours. So did I. Church attendance has become a catch-22. He is only going to calm down if it becomes more of a routine but as you can see, it is so... very... difficult. Do you know what will make it even easier and more fun? Having another child! Wait... somehow that doesn't seem quite right.

He is interested in everything. And is capable of playing by himself for over an hour. Except at church.

Saturday was our yearly apple orchard visit. It was great and Oskar was still talking about it after nap time and even the next day. There was a tractor train for him to ride plus the big tractor out to the trees. There were donkeys and chickens and ponies and there were hay bales to play on. He had a blast. We had a blast watching him. Also, we got too many apples. This baby loves and always has loved the orchard.

9 months

1 year, 9 months

Oskar Explodes. Again.

A nice peaceful picture from the cabin.

Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like you lost?

Up until now, I thought I couldn't get sick (you know, besides 24 hour morning sickness for 4.5 months) during pregnancy. I had been around so many sick people and creatures (i.e. toddlers) and never had gotten sick while being pregnant. Hooray for something going well during my pregnancies. Last Friday though, I learned that a toddler with a cold who throws up on you while you're hugging him transfers exactly the right amount of germs to infect one with a massive cold. What makes it even better is that it has been over 80 degrees the last 3 days. Super fun.

The past few days have been rough. On Monday, I made the mistake of saying, "Dan, it's fine if you're not here for bedtime. It's hardly a struggle." Yea, that night Oskar was up until 10:30. Bedtime is 8:15. Tuesday and tonight were not quite as bad, but they aren't nearly the blissful bedtimes we had been blessed with. I'm hoping it's just the heat.

So, now the day is ending, and the fact that I was able to keep another human person alive for the 5 hours between the end of daycare and bedtime (9:00 tonight apparently) does not feel like an accomplishment that would put today in the win column. At best, we will simply say that we made it through with no tears. On my part anyway. Oskar had a fit when I told him he couldn't watch any more ballet today.

"Oskar, it's bedtime. You may not watch any more ballet."

I do not find it humorous that most times when Oskar throws up it is on me, while I'm hugging him and while no one else is around to help clean up the mess. This must be one of those very special perks of motherhood. I think the worst part of it is that while it's happening I have to keep hugging him because it scares him so much. Running to the bathroom would just spread the mess and I'm pretty sure pushing him off of me and getting out of the way wouldn't help him calm down any. Gross. Motherhood is gross.

I look like death in this picture, but clearly I have won.

See, I won.

I had my gestational diabetes test last week. It was not my favorite experience, but went much better than last time. I think this was partly because I scheduled it right after lunch. I don't think that is considered cheating. They called me with the results and I am good to go. For those of you who don't know, the test consists of drinking 50g of sugar in 5 minutes and coming back 1 hour later for a blood draw. Sounds easy, but it's pretty gross.

I investigated what the numbers they are looking for indicate- because I'm generally curious about most things. Mayo clinic says a normal level for this test is 130-140mg/dL 1 hour after drinking the stuff. They want to be sure that after waiting one hour your glucose level is lower than 180 mg/dL and Avera wants you to come back for the 3 hour test if you are over 140. Mayo also states that a normal FASTING blood glucose level is 95 mg/dL or lower. One hour after drinking 50g of sugar, my blood glucose level was 81 mg/dL. I really didn't feel too terrible during all this, but I'm glad I was sitting down for most of it. When she called she didn't sound alarmed and when I looked online (so you know it's correct) this is still a normal level and danger doesn't occur until below 70. I still found this amusing. Apparently I can process sugar like a pro. While sitting down. Otherwise history has shown I am prone to big tips.

Came home to this poor thing after vacation, not sure if it somehow got
trapped in the garage or what, but I feel pretty bad about it.

A lily pad is clearly something that warrants further investigation by these curious minds.

My little boat baby.

I've learned that it is not important that we understand what they are doing.
Let them explore and prevent them from drowning. Those are the rules at the cabin.

Dan and I were thrilled to make it to the MN State Fair this year and we were especially excited that Oskar is at a good age to try some of the food and enjoy the animals and other things. We all had a good time, but Dan and I decided that next year we will go with just the two of us. No toddler, no baby, no pregnancy. It will be a level of awesome we have not experienced at the fair since we lived at Luther.

Hot air balloons!

A while back we went to see some hot air balloon shenanigans. Because of life, we didn't get to see many of them actually take off, but we were able to watch them light up at the end of the night. We will definitely be attending on time next year if our schedule allows. Hot air balloons are a big thing around here and it's not uncommon to see them flying overhead as you go about town. Oskar has become a pretty big fan- who can blame him?

I don't think you are supposed to interrupt an artist while he is working. Right?

Oskar loves to paint with water colors. The problem is that he does it wrong. Now, I know it's not really wrong as long as he is having a good time, so I just hold my tongue and let him at it and come back when he's done to clean up the shredded wet paper and water puddles. He doesn't quite get the water, then color, then paint. He has a really good time though. God help you if you try to teach him how to do it properly so there is actually color on the paper when he is done. This is apparently not a goal of his painting. I really only have myself to blame. He comes into his room, sees the painting he did on the wall and then needs to paint some more. That's what I get for trying to expose him to different things.

Oskar decided that he wanted to play the cello.
That is the bottom half of his recorder and his drumstick.
Clever.

Then he reevaluated the situation and thought he could do better.
After getting his guitar out in one of the clumsiest displays of anything I have ever seen, he was making music.
I can call it music because you can't hear how out of tune that guitar was.

This is where he lost me. You think your kid is so smart and then...

Oskar is still obsessed with Phantom of the Opera, but we have viewings down to only about twice a week, so the rest of us aren't going quite as crazy. It's fun to watch him learn the songs and dance moves though. We also spend a fair bit of time watching the All Star Symphony Orchestra on PBS/Sling. That's what initiated the cello business.

Netflix has a new series called Dinotrux. Let us just say they had a demographic in mind and they nailed it. Dinosaur/truck hybrids running around playing, building things and solving problems. The next step is getting Oskar to speak correctly because while we are used to hearing Oskar talk, the rest of society may not find dinof***s and helif***er (helicopter) as acceptable as we do. At least he's cute.

I check on Oskar an obscene number of times before going to bed.
I also place a pillow right by his bed when I leave his room.
This is the reason I do both of these things;
dude falls out of bed and doesn't even wake up.

I generally cut Oskar's hair. I don't do a great job, but he is 2 so no one cares. The last haircut I gave him went particularly bad. Before you think I'm overreacting let me tell you that it took 4 days over 2 weeks. One time he was being restrained by my mom and continuous cuts were made while he was sleeping. After this I decided that while taking him to the salon would no doubt be terrible, at least I would be able to try to hold him down while a professional does the cut in considerably less time and to a higher quality than I am able. I suppose it went as well as 26 minutes of crying and wrestling can go. And my stylist was a champion (who received a sizable tip). Now he looks like a little boy instead of a toddler. This is upsetting at times.

My little boy. Being a little boy.

A belly picture at around 6 months. Oskar stole the show.