Oskar learns about lady genders.

I have no idea how this happened, but Oskar now refers to a woman's breasts as "lady genders." "Even the crack!" Oh my goodness. At least he also knows that this is a private area. That's good I suppose. On the bright side, I think he's finally through the phase of asking EVERYONE if they are pregnant. That was a fun one.

We got in the car a couple weeks ago and Oskar wanted us to do cheer type thing.
"Put your hand in!" Oskar
"I can't- I'm driving." Me
"3! 2!1!" Oskar
"Wait what are we saying?" Dan
"Blast off." Oskar
"3!2!1! Blast off!" All.
"Now we are all super heroes!" Oskar
"What kind are you?" Dan
"Batmans!" Elena
"Pikachu!" Oskar
"Mommy is wonder woman!" Elena
Silence.
"Daddy, you're squirtle." Oskar.
I hope you found this as amusing as I did. If not, my apologies.

I'm happy to report that I passed another test yesterday- Construction and Evaluation. That leaves 2 tests (project management and practice management) and 25 hours of experience in construction and evaluation left. My reward for passing this test was a Carmelicious from Scooter's, watching 2 movies and doing a blog post without feeling guilty about spending time on this. You're welcome. I'm worried I'm getting a little overconfident with these tests though. Hopefully it doesn't lead to karmic failure.

The thing about taking 6 tests at a testing center is that you become familiar with the employees at the center. It's kind of nice. I got to talking with one of the women there yesterday and it came out that I was married to a pastor and she knew I lived in Brandon because of all the security procedures we go through to test and she goes, "Wait, what church is he at?" I answered. "Do you have little red heads running around?" Are you freaking kidding me?!? "Yes, I have two spirited children, one of whom has red hair." "And your husband has red hair?" "Yes..." "My in-laws are .....!" (Reminder: I don't use other people names on the blog.) THIS COMMUNITY IS TOO SMALL. Don't get me wrong, she was delightful and I enjoyed chatting with her, but I'm a person who enjoys some anonymity. Although knowing that someone could identify me as "that pastor's wife" does keep my behavior in check sometimes. Sometimes. And I gotta be honest, in all the imaginings of how my life would go, it did not included recognition by the general population for being a pastor's wife. Me at 18: "This is my life plan!" God: "Hold my beer."

Part of me getting through my architecture exams has been telling myself to study now and then I can read for fun after I get through them all. It didn't work completely, but I held off on a lot of books so I have a queue on my desk that is about 15" high. I delved into the pile the other day and started reading Mischling. It is about Mengele's zoo in Auschwitz, so obviously it is disturbing, but the writing is so surprisingly poetic, especially considering the dark subject matter. And I mean good poetic, not like poetry, which I hate. I haven't finished it yet, but so far I recommend it. One nice surprise is that it looks like a fairly long book, but it's a quick read. Usually I don't like quick reads, but when trying to get through a pile it is acceptable. Next up is Roots. I doubt that will be a quick read. Physical fitness has also been on hold until I get through these tests. Unlike reading for fun, I have had no such issue with not going to the gym.

Oskar has decided he would no longer like to take dance class. He still loves to dance, but does not like doing a routine. We knew this long ago- full of spirit but doesn't like being told what to do. I wonder where he gets that from? Both of us. He gets it from both of us. I asked him if he was sure he didn't want to dance anymore and he said, "I can dance at home!" Oskar would like to take ninja class this school year and Elena would like to do 'nastics' too. I think I found a place where they can take class at the same time, which I'm super excited about, but I don't really want to spend the money on classes for 2 kids, but that is parenthood.

Dan is on a mission trip with the church kids this week, so obviously this is the week ALL the bugs have decided to move inside. No giant spiders yet, but pretty much everything else. The vacuum has become a permanent fixture in my living room. Meanwhile, we're skipping church today and chilling at home. My children are both painting peacefully at the table and singing along to their VBS CD. I don't know what is happening, but it's magical. Just the calm before the storm...

Uvulas, Dragons and Punching

My apologies for how scattered this post is. I have been busy. Dan has been busy. We have all been busy.

Ahhhh, friends.

A while back I saw Oskar’s silver dollar sitting out after I had told him to put it somewhere safe. I noticed it was tarnishing and I wanted to shine it up so I took it so he wouldn’t lose it. If anyone knows where it is, please let me know. It’s been three months. Remember when I was organized? I don't.

In an abundance of caution a couple weeks ago I took Elena to the doctor to check on a weird cough she had and we made a startling discovery. She has a bifid uvula! Super creepy! Apparently it happens sometimes and rarely causes issues so we’re not worried. But it is so weird looking. I wasn't able to get a great picture, but it looks like a whale tail. Crazy. I'm choosing to believe this is why she is so loud.

For so many reasons, I thoroughly enjoyed our trip to Chicago in May.

Part of the reason I have been so busy is that I have been studying to try and complete the ARE before the end of the summer. This has been a burden on us all since I usually try to get to the office by 6-6:30 to study for this crap. This puts Dan all alone for morning duty with the kids and pretty much puts me in bed by 9:00. Apparently it is working though and I’m proud to report that since June 8^th I have passed three of the exams. For those of you who don’t know, the ARE is a series of six tests I need to complete to become an architect. The first two I took were the longest and even though I was fairly confident going in, they were difficult and afterward I was exhausted. The one I took today was MUCH easier. That was a relief. Plus the computer I was assigned wouldn’t work so I got to be in a room all by myself! It was great. I might see if I can request that room again. Three more tests and 41 hours of experience in construction and evaluation to go until I can finally call myself an architect. Huzzah!

Apparently the haircut came with an attitude. Yes she has the longest legs in the land.

Elena is trying to hurt our feelings when we make her mad. She doesn’t quite understand it yet though because her yelling, “I’m not your mom anymore!” just doesn’t cut me like I think she wants it to. Another classic: "Ugh! You're making me evil!!!" That's right, discipline is making my daughter evil. When she takes over the world I want you all to know that we tried. We really tried. She recently attended a gymnastic camp. We are trying to channel her strength into something positive.

Many of you saw that Oskar recently had his dance recital. He did great, but is unsure if he wants to continue. He doesn't like being told what to do. He was the only boy on the stage and their choreography was pretty stinking cute and they got a few awes and giggles. Afterward I went up to him and said "Did you know you stole the show?" (Maybe extreme, but he did for me.) He responded, "I did NOT know that!" So cute. He just finished a golf camp as well and did really well in that- or at least he enjoyed it and that is enough right now.

Oskar’s heart is so big. A while back Elena got hurt and it made Oskar a little upset and he said, “I don’t like to see her get hurt because I just love her so much.” A few days later he was hysterically sobbing while watching Pokemon. Sophocles was supposed to be moving and had to say goodbye to all his friends. Due to the nature of Dan’s job, we’ve been preparing the kids for an eventual move since we moved here just so it’s not a surprise when the time comes. So I’m sitting here thinking, oh gosh he really is struggling with this- moving is NOT going to go well. So I asked him what was going on. HE WAS SOBBING WITH JOY. Apparently Sophocles didn’t have to move after all. Overall I think they are doing okay with the concept though because they were pretending to move the other day (because I’ve been watching a lot of House Hunters) and Oskar shouted, “I’m excited to meet new friends!”

Oskar has another, darker side though: "She made me so angry that I HAD to punch her." No buddy, no you did not.

Is she sleeping? Did she fall out of a plane? Who knows?

“Mommy! Birdie in the garage.”
“What? There’s a bird in the garage? Just let it be- it’ll leave when it’s ready.”

“Birdie fell and is sleeping.”
“That birdie isn’t sleeping.”
“Birdie is dead?”
“Ellie what happened? Where did it come from?”
Points at the lilac bush.
“I just looked at it and it fell and it’s dead now?”
“Yea, sweetie, it’s okay. Sometimes birdies die. Can you say bye-bye birdie?”
“Bye-bye birdie”
“Good job sweetie.”
I’m not entirely sure what happened here, but until it happens again, I’m going to tell myself that it was just bad timing.

We are in a mac & cheese conundrum. After writing that sentence I’m a little disappointed that this is a thing. Oskar rediscovered he doesn’t like the taste of actual cheese, so he often doesn’t like real mac & cheese and Elena is a cheese junkie and decided she doesn’t like boxed mac & cheese. It’s been fun. I know there are people with much bigger problems, but this is just stupid.

There are many things people don’t understand about simultaneously being a pastor’s wife and Oskar’s mom. Like the absolute terror I experience every time a question is asked during a children’s sermon. I don’t recall being mortified yet, but there is always that risk. If nothing else, he is usually good for a laugh. “Does anyone know what hallelujah means?” “Um, like, yay.”

Do you remember when the witch in the Wizard of Oz melts from the water? Remember the whiny, screechy voice? Now you know what my daughter sounds like when the sun is in her eyes. After some quick research I see that that actress had a 2-3 year old while she was filming the movie. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

Nobody asked for it, but here it is.

I've started going to the gym in the morning and I'm pretty
sure this is what I look like every day I show up.

When I had bronchitis/pneumonia for 46 days (but who’s counting?) last fall, there was some kind of muscle related pop on my ribs (the ones that are chronically injured, yes). This resulted in the temporary inability to raise my arm/do many things. It was definitely not as bad as when I tore the muscle in my back when I had bronchitis a couple years ago, but the injury lingered for a long time. A couple weeks ago I stretched my back and for the first time it didn't hurt. I started giggling like a fool. Now when I stretch I find myself bracing for a pain that doesn't come. I'm so happy.

Working on her night naan.

I am obnoxiously proud of the fact that I have never lost a child’s sock. I don’t care if anyone finds this pride annoying. This is a nearly impossible feat and I’ve done it! So far anyway. We had one that was MIA for a few months, but the lost was found and there was much rejoicing. Now the only single socks we have are a result of their mate wearing out and heading for the giant laundry basket in the sky. Now they serve as back up, waiting their turn to serve when the other threads simply cannot hold on any more.

The universe has observed my pride, sniggered at me and retaliated in kind. My goal is to end the year with just 1 mitten. I’m not even going for a pair any more. Just one. And the world isn’t even being kind and taking pairs so I might not notice- oh no. It is taking one at a time so I have like 6 single mittens. Kids about to look reaaaal scrappy. Mitten here, mitten there, mitten everywhere EXCEPT FOR A WHOLE PAIR. 

*Recently 2 lost mittens were actually found and since the weather is getting nicer, we might end the year with a pair for each kid!

Oskar visited our new office where he got to have a picnic with ice cream.

I drive a tiny car now, unless the weather is bad, then I take the Edge. Most days, I drive a Honda Insight. It is lovingly referred to as Tiny White Car and was purchased when I got my job 2 years ago. I had 5 days to find a car and figure out how to pay for it. I went to the dealership to inquire about a Honda Fit and the dude said it had sold that morning, but he had a car that was newer, had less miles on it, got better mileage and was less expensive. Yes, please. (If you need a recommendation on a salesman at Vern Eide Honda let me know- he was great to work with.) Anyway, the car is almost always great. It doesn’t love the snow and it is a hybrid and really efficient so the heater takes a LONG time to warm up. Now that the snow has melted we are doing fine again and last winter the snow wasn’t much of an issue, but this winter every time I backed out of my driveway and put it into drive, I got the little light that pops on with the car and the squiggly car tires saying that the tires aren’t tracking properly on the ground. Okay buddy, I’m aware of nothing more IN THE WORLD right now than the fact that my tires aren’t doing their job. I got it. Thanks. 

We’ve been back to the cities a few times this winter and I gotta say that it feels really good to have so many people tell me they miss me and ask when I’m moving back. Although I must say that Dan and I got a card for Valentine’s day from a congregation member thanking us for being here and saying how much she appreciated us. That felt pretty good too.

New carpet tiles in the new bedroom downstairs. I've never been less sure of any design decision in my life, but at $.75/sf I thought it was worth the risk. I actually think I like it. It suits the space at least. This area did not flood.

On to the flooding. So far, we don’t think that it is as bad as we thought. All our walls are fine. The part that sends me into a flippin’ rage is the floor. I bought the laminate hardwood flooring when I was pregnant with Elena because they were on sale and I was hoping we could do some basement work before she arrived. 27 boxes at I would say about 20 pounds/box. I picked this up by myself because I do what I want. If anyone remembers anything about me being pregnant, it’s that I didn’t have a good time. Hauling these boxes onto the trolley, out to the car and into the car was a challenge. Then Dan helped haul them into the house, where they sat for 3.5 years, waiting to be installed. We had to moved them a couple times in the basement as well to accommodate for various work when we finally started finishing the basement last fall. We installed the flooring about 2 months ago. The video made it look so easy. IT WAS NOT EASY. Videos lie. My knees lost years of their lives and Dan got a blood blister that expanded out from his thumb a half inch. Installing that floor was awful, but we did (most of) it and it was pretty beautiful. The kids loved it. I loved pretending the basement was no longer filled with spiders. A good time was had by all. 

Our beautiful floor that was not meant to be.

Then we noticed there were a couple planks that didn’t lock in properly. No biggie, whatever, we will fix one and forget about the other one that we can’t get at. Then Oskar asked to help clean. YES. I’ve only been waiting my whole life to hear that. He left a wet rag on the seam and it bubbled up a bit. Fine, we’ll have a rug over that anyway. No biggie. Well, then the rains came down and the flood came up. As far as we know, in it’s 63 years of existence, our house has never flooded. And I will be the first to say that we were very, very lucky. Our beautiful floor however? Not so much. The laminate kept the water low and spread out over the entire floor, whereas if the flooring wasn’t down it probably would have just been in the corner. Some of the boards were salvageable, most were not. I took this as a sign that we should choose another path for our flooring. Frustrating, but we’re moving on. I went to go talk to a flooring guy in  town and he was telling me the upgrades in laminate flooring- like the lack of particle board as the base. And I essentially said that’s great, but no thanks. No way am I going through all that again. 

There was even a booga on the laminate flooring boxes! Strawberry blonde baby stacking bricks like a pro.

Elena is obsessed with sharks. I was reading a National Geographic last night and she snuggled her face up next to the shark and then ran out f the room, because she of course needed her shark. She brought it back and her shark met the magazine sharks. She's great. Oskar asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and we were listing a whole bunch of jobs she could have. After going on for a couple minutes, she chimes in and says, "a swimming pool!" There are some times I think she is so smart, this was not necessarily one of those times.

Oskar participated in the science fair a couple weeks ago. His project was called Sea Gleam (picked it himself) and he investigated why the ocean looks glittery. I was very impressed by his experiment ideas and he was so excited to win 3^rd place. Literally jumped and ran to get his ribbon. I"m pretty sure he still thinks he won and since it is't harming anyone, I'm done trying to convince him otherwise.

I apologize that you may not have found this as humorous as other posts, but it is a post nonetheless and maybe will get me back on track to updating more often.