Elena Arrives in the World

Our kids are much more patriotic than we are. Oskar was born on the Anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor and Ellie was born on Veteran's Day. I mostly appreciate that Ellie knows I'm weird and appreciate fun number things. Oskar is 12-7-12 and Ellie is 11-11-15. That was considerate. Even more considerate was the fact that she cut 2 weeks off my pregnancy. Downside is that I don't have a 9 month pregnancy picture with her. I think I'll survive.

This labor and delivery was not at all like I had with Oskar. This one started with my water breaking at about 2:00 AM. I'm not going to go into details here, but I will say it was every bit as terrible and awkward as I thought it would be. We got Oskar up and we all went to the hospital. Because it was after hours we had to enter through Emergency. I am so glad we live in a community where the Emergency room is boring had only one dude waiting in it. It was so nice and quiet and no one cared that I had a beach towel wrapped around my waist.

She gave us the cute little cry when she was born that we didn't get from Oskar (he came out screaming louder than most adults). She has since found her voice and has quite a set of lungs.

I think it was the strain of lifting Oskar into a cart at Target that instigated all this. He was being extremely uncooperative and there was quite a bit of unusual pain that I noticed after I finally got him where he wanted to be. On that note- anyone want a 3 year old who doesn't listen to anyone ever? No takers? Strange.

He's got life all figured out.

Labor and delivery went fine. MUCH less pain than last time- they had my epidural on full blast apparently. This made it extremely difficult to walk and stand afterward though and I didn't regain feeling in my right leg for probably a good four hours. Last time I was able to stand and shower right after delivery. This time there were multiple almost falls due to my stubbornness in accepting that I was not able to stand at the time. Another highlight is that there was no pre-delivery vomiting! Just one post delivery episode that subsided quickly. Dan now understands that when I tell him to get me the garbage I am not joking around. The hospital stay was pretty good. Had just the right amount of visitors and overall the nurses and doctors were delightful. I especially liked my anesthesiologist.

Absolutely crushing tummy time.

The beginning days of having a child always trick you into thinking you have it all under control. No one tells you that the first few days home are the easy part. New born babies sleep A LOT and even Elena, who ate a ton, didn't eat that much then. It's a couple weeks in  that you find yourself wanting to punch walls. Our walls are plaster so I'm trying to avoid this.

Sometimes she's awake.

Sometimes sh'es very awake.

Ellie has decided that she needs to eat the most food. I usually nurse her for about an hour and then give her 2 ounces of formula. This cycle occurs about every 4 hours. Sometimes we have a very special night (of course) and we do nursing, formula, diaper change, nursing, formula. This fun experience takes about 3 or 4 hours. Not my favorite.

I made her hold her own bottle. I'm sick of feeding her.
(Don't yell at me- I know she is not old enough to hold her own bottle, I hold it for her to be sure she's eating properly)

Oskar is excelling at potty training. This makes us all very happy.

3 years old! Can you believe it?

Oskar had a wonderful birthday party a couple weekends ago. After the straight up neglect and laziness that resulted in having leftover funeral cupcakes for his 2nd birthday (they were delicious by the way) we went all out and got him a Paw Patrol cake for his 3rd. He loved it. We also got him a present this year too, even though he has a billion toys. We got him a violin. He was pretty pleased.

Some day we are going to convince him that you don't need to take off your pants when you get home.

Best day ever.

Dorisa Plods Through the Home Stretch

Ellie modeling her beautiful knit hat made with love by a wonderful friend.

Often when I write a blog entry it does not happen all in one setting. I'll have an idea, open blogger and save it as a draft and work on it over a couple weeks. I'm sure sometimes this is quite obvious with how scattered some of my thoughts may seem. This time however, I had written some stuff about being pregnant while still expecting to be pregnant for a couple weeks. I however was only pregnant for two more days after writing it. Yay. I am still posting what I wrote because it is important to consider if you plan on having a child some day. Also, it has been pointed out that my misery is humorous. My next post will be about our new misadventures as a family of four.

I love my musical boy. We got him a toy violin for his birthday. He is going to freak out.

And it's mini-Dan. So cute.

Do you know what I hate about pregnancy? You're right. So many things. One thing that I have found especially frustrating as of late is my lack of mobility/belly rigidity. I, like so many others, have experienced fluctuation in my weight over the years and while I don't appreciate the extra pounds when there are some, one nice thing about fat is that it is generally squishy. Just like my legs, according to my son who is absolutely full of complimentary comments these days. So, while pregnant, not only do I look like I have a basketball under my shirt, but that is about how well I can move as well. If I could remember that fact it would be extremely helpful.

Some things I need to tell myself:

Sucking in your stomach won't help you fit through that space. You will get stuck. It will be embarrassing. Or you could just ricochet off of that wall/chair/door. All very real possibilities.

No, you can not take your compression socks off by yourself. You will be in pain, and then you will have to pee.

Don't sit on the floor and twist in that position, no matter how far away your screwdriver is and the fact that your standard flexibility should allow you to reach it. You have a head in your hip and while it is somewhat malleable, it is a head, and it will win and you will cry. And then you will be worried until the pain ends. And then you will feel stupid because you should know not to do that.

You want to tie your shoes? You set aside 3 extra minutes and hope that the flexibility you acquired as a dancer in your hips and legs OVER 10 YEARS ago shows up with the assist. You will be short of breath after this task, but if you are successful you can add it to your list of small victories for the day. And they are all small victories.

Dude finally learns how to sit in church. On a Tuesday night.

My doctor said Nightmare Sister Brother could arrive any day now, or I could have a month left. I'm so glad I have an appointment every week to tell me this ground-breaking information. I had to make a quick trip to Fargo last weekend. She cautioned me not to go, but I felt fine and the Braxton Hicks contractions had subsided so I went and everything was fine, if not comfortable. But who needs comfort?

We still don't really have a name for this chompette, but she has a place to sleep, so that's good I guess. I was happy to FINALLY have the opportunity to decorate a nursery only to realize that all the fun and cute stuff is unneeded and really expensive. So although it may not be an excitingly cute nursery, it is serene and has everything we need in it. There is some history in it too, which I like. The rocking chair was bought by my parents and I believe it is the only comfortable wooden rocking chair in existence and the crib has successfully kept me, my brother, 2 cousins and 2 nephews alive despite it's antiquated and "dangerous" design that has apparently been outlawed. I'm not worried. It IS a new mattress. That would have been gross.

Our kitchen is mostly done! New paint, art, cabinet hardware, towels, backsplash, and it's CLEAN. Honestly just cleaning it would have probably been a significant improvement by itself. It has become a pretty pleasant little room. I still would like to put some shelves and a microwave with a proper vent above the stove, but that is a bit more of an undertaking than I am capable of right now. I also want to get the table out of there and replace it with a sideboard type situation with extra counter space. This can wait. Pictures will arrive with the next post.

Stud. Muffin.

This conversation happened after I had been gone for 32 hours.
Me: "Ugh, I left for a day and nothing is in the right spot! I can't go anywhere- everything is different!"
Dan "So I probably shouldn't tell you that that was poop on the wall- not a moth."
Me: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
I walked away while Dan giggled. Seriously, how did poop get on the wall? So disturbing. Apparently I can't go anywhere.

Oskar Conducts Like a Pro

I wouldn't let myself write this blog post until after I finished writing all the thank you notes from my shower on October 10th. Well, it took two weeks to complete over 50 thank you cards, but I have returned to you with stories, pictures and videos. Happy Sunday everyone!

Team Nelson has been crazy productive this weekend. We painted the kitchen, got the storm windows up, painted some more dining room chairs, went to the Harvest Festival at one of our churches and today we will be working on the kitchen backsplash. Now, if anyone knows of a small army that wants to come tackle our basement, send them over.

Part of him knows that he never had a crib.

There are pros and cons to all jobs. As a spouse, I think you experience these in an amplified manner. For instance, a con would be when Dan brings my car home from a confirmation retreat with a flat tire and the back seat full of garbage (full=3 pieces. I really don't like garbage in my car). I have found that one of the pros to working for the church is that we get to meet the kindest and most generous people of every community in which we live. I seriously can not believe the amount of gifts we received from the congregation members here. It is insane.

This happened. And yes, it was as magical as it looks. Whistled by yours truly.
I laughed because of a face he made- I'm not sure if you can see it on the video or not.
If the video doesn't work- try a different browser. For me it works in Firefox, but not Chrome.
Usually I don't have this problem.

Potty Training. Well, with potty training I am finding that I constantly have to remind myself that it is called potty TRAINING for a reason. Apparently part (most all) of me wants it to be called "Magic Monday- Your child uses a toilet all by himself now and there are never any problems ever." Sometimes he does great. Other times he's constipated and distracted and despite us asking him over and over again if he needs to use the potty he goes to "the office" (nursery) pops a squat and has a bit of an accident. Pretty sure he was marking his territory. Yet another day where I found myself asking my son, "Oskar, why did you take your pants off?" At least there was a real reason this time. Pretty sure the last time I asked he said that a dinosaur was chasing him.

How long does it take to be from somewhere else? We have lived here for well over a year, but when I am asked where I'm from, I always say something like, "I'm currently living in Brandon/South Dakota" based on where I am and who is asking. I don't hold any shame in living here, but saying that I am FROM here just feels like I'm lying. Because I am. I have very specific criteria for lying and this does not qualify.

He found this stored in his closet. I don't know what I"m going to do when the baby comes and
I need this pillow for its intended use. No one has ever loved a Boppy more.

The other day I was straightening up the nursery from Hurricane Oskar when I heard him playing in the living room. He kept saying "Oskar's _____!" Accompanying his exclamation was a strange sound I couldn't identify from a room away. I could not figure out what he was saying but he said it about 15 times and was pretty darn excited so I thought I should maybe check on him. Yea, he was saying, "Oskar's scissors! Oskar's scissors!" and opening and shutting them over and over again. Good work Dorisa: searching in vain for the the line between helicopter parenting and straight up neglect since 2012.

I have decided that my car needs to differentiate between the low tire pressure warning and a no tire pressure warning. That would have been helpful. I'm thankful that the weather was good, I was feeling okay and Oskar was being medium cooperative last Sunday. And if all that failed, there were people who are nice and offered me a ride home from church. Other upsides include that the shop is only a couple blocks away from the church and that neither Dan nor I need to drive to get to work. Even daycare is within walking distance (for Dan). If you are confused as to why we don't just take the other car, that means that you are under the impression that we have two cars. Your impression is incorrect. The beauty of small towns also includes that after dropping the car off on Sunday, our tire was fixed by 8:30 Monday morning and cost only $14. Wow.

A face he made for Grandma after she had a long day.

In Utero Nelson is still nameless and I think she's mad about it. I hear that some mothers delight in the fluttering movements they feel in their stomachs when their baby kicks, punches and hiccups. For me, the fluttering ended at about 18 weeks and it has been a full on blitzkrieg of appendages since then. The following is a video of what my stomach does for about two hours every day. I thought it was only one hour, but I've been keeping track and even two might be an understatement (not two hours in a row). They tell you to make sure that your baby moves 10 times in 2 hours. My doctor asks me if I'm counting kicks. I simply say no and tell her everything is fine and then ask if  they are absolutely sure that excessive movement is not a sign of distress. Do you know what feels great? When something tries punching through your belly button from the inside. What a magical time. Yes, this is a video of my bare stomach. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't watch it. If you think this is gross- HA. You should see/hear about all the pregnancy things that actually are disgusting. You have no idea. Good luck when you or your spouse gets pregnant.

My doctor prescribed me some compression socks to help prevent my passing out when standing for long periods of time. They are moderately helpful. Have you ever watched a super pregnant woman try to put on compression socks? It is a sight.

It is common knowledge that horizontal stripes are not flattering and one should not wear them. I'm not going to lie to you. I ignore this "rule." Everybody loves a stripe. It's a fun, nice and easy way to spice up a shirt. Throw a bird on that shirt and I can't say no. What I do not understand is why 75% of pregnancy clothes are striped. I'm in no way saying that pregnant people should try to hide their bellies or pretend they are not pregnant. I'm just saying that when you feel like you are popping out of everything and everywhere the last thing you want to hear is, "you're huge!" because your size is being accentuated by the beloved horizontal stripe. Alas, we wear them anyway, because they fit and despite everything they are cute shirts. 

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, I win. And yes, his head really is that big.

My pregnancy clothes will soon be up for grabs, by the way. I'm done with this crap. They are all in good condition since I spend most of my time in sweatpants and t-shirts. Pants are size 6; shorts, skirts, shirts and I think I have one dress- are all size small. Let me know if you would like them (for free) or they will go to goodwill- probably some time after Christmas. If this will be for your first pregnancy, I will tell no one about your baby/intentions until informed otherwise.

Belly after 7 months.

Belly after 8 months

If you live near me and need a gift bag for a wedding, baby shower or a particularly fun Thursday PLEASE come see if I have a bag (or 6) that would suit your needs. I have too many bags (and plenty of tissue paper).

On a completely unrelated note, if you receive a gift from us this Christmas, chances are real good that it won't be in Christmas themed wrapping. This could be fun.

Dorisa and Oskar Attempt Churching

Dreams are a funny thing. When I could remember them, I used to have incredibly interesting dreams. They brought us all smiles at times, other times they have left us wondering, "What... why?" Sometimes, on the other hand, dreams can disappoint. Dan once had a dream where he made his bed. I recently had a dream to rival that where I changed a light fixture. Can I really not come up with anything better than that anymore? This is bad news. Maybe my creativity is dying. Or maybe I'm too tired to remember my interesting dreams.

What does he think about?

Sunday, oh Sunday.

I knew the day was going to be interesting right from the off, and interesting is putting it kindly. I didn't sleep well on Saturday night due to the fact that the parasite within is still trying to convince me that she is a martial arts expert. I had slept about three and a half hours when Dan's alarm went off. I tried to fall back asleep. Any normal day I would have been able to do so, but I encountered an unusual and stupid problem: cows.

Don't get me wrong, I love the cow. Giant eyes, cute little baby cows, nummy milk and beef; you can hardly go wrong with the cow. I also acknowledge that I live a bit closer to the country than I am accustomed to and that cows and farming in general is a much more visible and common part of living here. I am still used to the sound of the freeway to lull me to sleep. Cows are a stretch. Some days it even smells like farm here in town (which I much prefer to the occasional sugar beet smell of Fargo). If one leaves the city limits of our town and doesn't see a cow, you are either blind or stupid and don't know what a cow is. This may sound harsh, but seriously- there are cows everywhere. I get it and expect it.

It's not just that the cows were mooing, or lowing as it were. They were having a conniption. I could not believe how loud they were and it was non-stop. I have never been able to hear cows from our house so in my sleepy state I assumed the next thing we would encounter was them charging down the road. And THEN I'm pretty sure I heard gun shots. Having grown up in neither a hunting family nor a particularly dangerous urban area, it's hard to be sure, but that was the logical conclusion. Every 10 minutes or so I heard about 5 shots. I don't know much about slaughtering cattle, but I'm pretty sure this isn't what they were doing. Plus, the mooing just kept going.

That all occurred from 6:30 to 7:00 AM. We were off to a banner start.

Oskar riding the tractor train at the apple orchard.

Church- well, we tried. Dan preached out at Split Rock on Sunday. This is nice because it's a shorter day for him, but it means we all have to leave at the same time since it is not walking distance. We got to the church about a half hour before worship. Oskar had time to run around a bit and dance before the service, which I thought would help. He also went over to the coat rack and took off his shoes. That was weird, but he was adamant this was the right thing to do and I chose not to fight this particular battle.

9:15 the service started. 9:18 I was out of bribery fruit snacks. During the Kyrie/Hymn of Praise, Oskar sprinted out into the narthex. Fine. I don't care. It's a small country church- I can watch him and stay right where I am. I was starting to think this might be a suitable solution. He got a bit loud so I pulled him back into the church and he sat on my lap during the first lesson. Someone walked in at this point carrying a gift bag with a lion on it. Oh the horror.

"Lion! It's a lion! Rarrr!" Thank God there was not a truck on that bag or the accidental profanity could have gotten us excommunicated (which would be quite a feat in the ELCA). We were sitting in the back row. Dan was able to hear him while reading the lesson in the front. It was not quiet. I got out his fancy coloring book and we made it through the Psalm. Second lesson- out the door again. Dan had previously mentioned that Oskar can come up for the children's sermon. So, after retrieving his water bottle and Mister Bear, he runs up to the front of the church (late) for the children's sermon. The kids who attend this church are generally well behaved and have a system. They sit on the top step of the altar and look toward the congregation for the children's sermon. Oskar did not sit. He stood in the aisle. He was standing still so I figured it was fine. Then he started walking. Over to the wall and up the steps and he started playing with the gate. This is a little gate on the side of the altar with 2 doors that swing both ways. The gate comes up to his chin. He was standing behind it and smirking. This was a painful mixture of embarrassment and trying not to laugh. I waited until he was completely distracting, went up to the front and tried to get him to sit with me and listen to the story. I failed. We left the sanctuary (I wrestle/carried Oskar out while he whined/cried).

This is when we had our typical exchange of him wanting to be in the sanctuary but me telling him that we can either sit down in the sanctuary or walk around in the narthex. We will not and can not dance and run around yelling in the front of the sanctuary which is the only thing he wants to do. "Daddy's up there." Yes he is, he is leading worship. Can we sit quietly on the chairs? "Daddy is talking!" Yes he is, that is his job. This answer was unsatisfactory. We left the building to compose ourselves. Please don't suggest that we try sitting in front. That has been done and does not work.

His exact words were, "I have fashion." Can I blame Dan for this?

Do you want to try to listen to daddy's story or do you want to walk around the narthex? He chose to dance in the back of the sanctuary and then he ran out and was absolutely convinced that he needed a hanger. Fine. Have a hanger. This happened while the congregation sang Children of the Heavenly Father.

"Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne'er forsaketh;
his the loving purpose solely to preserve them pure and holy."
"Ahhhhhh!" Oskar charged into the back of the sanctuary brandishing his sword (hanger) above his head and holding Mister Bear behind him in his left hand. Just to finish off the image, remember that he's still not wearing any shoes. He's really fast. Really, REALLY fast. He made it farther into the sanctuary than one would hope. Dan saw all this, composed himself and continued with the Apostles' Creed. Again, we took our leave. Oskar yelling, mommy sweating. We'll just call it our Sunday morning workout routine. It's the most reliable exercise I get.

Running outside. Not in a church. Wonderful.

Someone then helped us out by getting some paper and crayons. I have tried bringing anything and everything to church so he has something to keep him busy. Oskar finds this unacceptable and I end up carrying around a ton of crap that he's uninterested in. The crayons and paper worked for a while and then he let this person hold him during the last hymn. Does he let me hold him? No, no he does not. Not that I want to hold that tank during an entire hymn, but it would be nice to have the option.

Worship over. I sat down and Oskar did whatever the heck he wanted. For about 20 minutes. I just sat. Deep breaths.

Teamwork!

We are very lucky to be in this community. Split Rock Lutheran is an extremely welcoming, vibrant and tight-knit community and if our behavior offended anyone I would be surprised if we ever hear about it. Many of them have large families and they have told me time and time again that they understand and that they have been in the same position. They also seemed genuinely pleased to see us after our pregnancy sabbatical. After today's shenanigans we'll see if they are as happy to see us next time.

Leave one church- go to the other. It was only 10:30 at this point. Sunday was the Harvest Festival which meant a delicious meal awaited us at Brandon Lutheran. It was not a relaxing meal, but we were able to enjoy a bit of conversation with other members of the community. At this point we also learned that the cattle fit we heard could have been weaning occurring at a farm close to town and there is a chance that some sort of hunting season started or something so that would explain the gunshots. I eventually took Oskar into the nursery where he filled his diaper with a special birthday treat for his daddy. Time to go home.

Oskar curled up on my lap and fell asleep within 5 minutes of getting home. He slept for 4 hours. So did I. Church attendance has become a catch-22. He is only going to calm down if it becomes more of a routine but as you can see, it is so... very... difficult. Do you know what will make it even easier and more fun? Having another child! Wait... somehow that doesn't seem quite right.

He is interested in everything. And is capable of playing by himself for over an hour. Except at church.

Saturday was our yearly apple orchard visit. It was great and Oskar was still talking about it after nap time and even the next day. There was a tractor train for him to ride plus the big tractor out to the trees. There were donkeys and chickens and ponies and there were hay bales to play on. He had a blast. We had a blast watching him. Also, we got too many apples. This baby loves and always has loved the orchard.

9 months

1 year, 9 months

Oskar Explodes. Again.

A nice peaceful picture from the cabin.

Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like you lost?

Up until now, I thought I couldn't get sick (you know, besides 24 hour morning sickness for 4.5 months) during pregnancy. I had been around so many sick people and creatures (i.e. toddlers) and never had gotten sick while being pregnant. Hooray for something going well during my pregnancies. Last Friday though, I learned that a toddler with a cold who throws up on you while you're hugging him transfers exactly the right amount of germs to infect one with a massive cold. What makes it even better is that it has been over 80 degrees the last 3 days. Super fun.

The past few days have been rough. On Monday, I made the mistake of saying, "Dan, it's fine if you're not here for bedtime. It's hardly a struggle." Yea, that night Oskar was up until 10:30. Bedtime is 8:15. Tuesday and tonight were not quite as bad, but they aren't nearly the blissful bedtimes we had been blessed with. I'm hoping it's just the heat.

So, now the day is ending, and the fact that I was able to keep another human person alive for the 5 hours between the end of daycare and bedtime (9:00 tonight apparently) does not feel like an accomplishment that would put today in the win column. At best, we will simply say that we made it through with no tears. On my part anyway. Oskar had a fit when I told him he couldn't watch any more ballet today.

"Oskar, it's bedtime. You may not watch any more ballet."

I do not find it humorous that most times when Oskar throws up it is on me, while I'm hugging him and while no one else is around to help clean up the mess. This must be one of those very special perks of motherhood. I think the worst part of it is that while it's happening I have to keep hugging him because it scares him so much. Running to the bathroom would just spread the mess and I'm pretty sure pushing him off of me and getting out of the way wouldn't help him calm down any. Gross. Motherhood is gross.

I look like death in this picture, but clearly I have won.

See, I won.

I had my gestational diabetes test last week. It was not my favorite experience, but went much better than last time. I think this was partly because I scheduled it right after lunch. I don't think that is considered cheating. They called me with the results and I am good to go. For those of you who don't know, the test consists of drinking 50g of sugar in 5 minutes and coming back 1 hour later for a blood draw. Sounds easy, but it's pretty gross.

I investigated what the numbers they are looking for indicate- because I'm generally curious about most things. Mayo clinic says a normal level for this test is 130-140mg/dL 1 hour after drinking the stuff. They want to be sure that after waiting one hour your glucose level is lower than 180 mg/dL and Avera wants you to come back for the 3 hour test if you are over 140. Mayo also states that a normal FASTING blood glucose level is 95 mg/dL or lower. One hour after drinking 50g of sugar, my blood glucose level was 81 mg/dL. I really didn't feel too terrible during all this, but I'm glad I was sitting down for most of it. When she called she didn't sound alarmed and when I looked online (so you know it's correct) this is still a normal level and danger doesn't occur until below 70. I still found this amusing. Apparently I can process sugar like a pro. While sitting down. Otherwise history has shown I am prone to big tips.

Came home to this poor thing after vacation, not sure if it somehow got
trapped in the garage or what, but I feel pretty bad about it.

A lily pad is clearly something that warrants further investigation by these curious minds.

My little boat baby.

I've learned that it is not important that we understand what they are doing.
Let them explore and prevent them from drowning. Those are the rules at the cabin.

Dan and I were thrilled to make it to the MN State Fair this year and we were especially excited that Oskar is at a good age to try some of the food and enjoy the animals and other things. We all had a good time, but Dan and I decided that next year we will go with just the two of us. No toddler, no baby, no pregnancy. It will be a level of awesome we have not experienced at the fair since we lived at Luther.

Hot air balloons!

A while back we went to see some hot air balloon shenanigans. Because of life, we didn't get to see many of them actually take off, but we were able to watch them light up at the end of the night. We will definitely be attending on time next year if our schedule allows. Hot air balloons are a big thing around here and it's not uncommon to see them flying overhead as you go about town. Oskar has become a pretty big fan- who can blame him?

I don't think you are supposed to interrupt an artist while he is working. Right?

Oskar loves to paint with water colors. The problem is that he does it wrong. Now, I know it's not really wrong as long as he is having a good time, so I just hold my tongue and let him at it and come back when he's done to clean up the shredded wet paper and water puddles. He doesn't quite get the water, then color, then paint. He has a really good time though. God help you if you try to teach him how to do it properly so there is actually color on the paper when he is done. This is apparently not a goal of his painting. I really only have myself to blame. He comes into his room, sees the painting he did on the wall and then needs to paint some more. That's what I get for trying to expose him to different things.

Oskar decided that he wanted to play the cello.
That is the bottom half of his recorder and his drumstick.
Clever.

Then he reevaluated the situation and thought he could do better.
After getting his guitar out in one of the clumsiest displays of anything I have ever seen, he was making music.
I can call it music because you can't hear how out of tune that guitar was.

This is where he lost me. You think your kid is so smart and then...

Oskar is still obsessed with Phantom of the Opera, but we have viewings down to only about twice a week, so the rest of us aren't going quite as crazy. It's fun to watch him learn the songs and dance moves though. We also spend a fair bit of time watching the All Star Symphony Orchestra on PBS/Sling. That's what initiated the cello business.

Netflix has a new series called Dinotrux. Let us just say they had a demographic in mind and they nailed it. Dinosaur/truck hybrids running around playing, building things and solving problems. The next step is getting Oskar to speak correctly because while we are used to hearing Oskar talk, the rest of society may not find dinof***s and helif***er (helicopter) as acceptable as we do. At least he's cute.

I check on Oskar an obscene number of times before going to bed.
I also place a pillow right by his bed when I leave his room.
This is the reason I do both of these things;
dude falls out of bed and doesn't even wake up.

I generally cut Oskar's hair. I don't do a great job, but he is 2 so no one cares. The last haircut I gave him went particularly bad. Before you think I'm overreacting let me tell you that it took 4 days over 2 weeks. One time he was being restrained by my mom and continuous cuts were made while he was sleeping. After this I decided that while taking him to the salon would no doubt be terrible, at least I would be able to try to hold him down while a professional does the cut in considerably less time and to a higher quality than I am able. I suppose it went as well as 26 minutes of crying and wrestling can go. And my stylist was a champion (who received a sizable tip). Now he looks like a little boy instead of a toddler. This is upsetting at times.

My little boy. Being a little boy.

A belly picture at around 6 months. Oskar stole the show.

Dorisa Slays the Beast: An Epic

This picture is irrelevant to the following story,
but every post needs a picture.

Early on Monday, a tragedy occurred. I was sitting in my living room and a spider brazenly waltzed across my ceiling. Dan was sleeping so I thought the least I could do was cup him, slide cardboard under him and relocate him to spider jail on the table in the kitchen, where he knew he belonged. Dan knows the system and deals appropriately with such felons when he awakes in the morning. I refuse to use profanity on this blog, so I will simply say that the little flubber fell, evaded capture and receded into the depths of the couch. I had a freak out that was partly (mostly?) fueled by pregnancy hormones. It was not a panic attack. Having had one before, I will not use that term lightly or inappropriately. I DID end up crying, sitting in the time out chair and eating a cold toaster strudel. This all happened because it was 4 AM, I was over-tired but could not sleep, we don't have enough extra money to buy more/new furniture, the trampoline (as stated in a previous post) can only accommodate 100 pounds and for some ungodly reason the toaster didn't heat my strudel correctly. All the settings were correct, I simply don't understand how this could have happened. Man, life is really tough sometimes, isn't it?

Anyway, I went to bed to read and calm down. I talked myself into believing that when I returned in the morning, the spider would have vacated the couch and gone back to the depths of hell from which it came. Although my fear of spiders is irrational, considering I live in South Dakota anyway, I try to apply sense and rationality when not paralyzed by fear.

I have phenomenal eyesight, but only when it comes to spotting spiders. Ask me to read a road sign without my glasses? HA. This, coupled with great peripheral vision from years of dance, has given me a gift that is both a blessing and a curse: I can see all spiders.

Monday evening, another spider paraded across my ceiling. Dan dealt it a swift death. Tuesday evening YET ANOTHER spider trampled all over my ceiling. MY ceiling. This was getting obnoxious! They are organized and they are rubbing it in my face. It's like they don't even know whose house they are in. Again, execution without trial occurred. Worst part about this is that they both left spots on my pristine, newly painted ceiling. I thought to myself, "Okay, that's 2 spiders in 2 days since 'The Incident' that have been killed. There's probably some kind of reasonable possibility that one of them could have been the demon who dared tread on my couch." I  try to be sensible about these things, I really do.

After watching the X-Files movie (a classic) Dan went to bed and I resumed working on a report. I stretched out on the couch because In Utero Nelson made me and was working away, peacefully, when the mother flubbing demon couch spider stampeded across my thigh. ACROSS MY THIGH! The little flubber hung out in my couch for 68 flubbing hours only to be caught in an epic, multi-minute battle. How do you think the spider fared? Well, let's take a look at the replay, shall we?

I swished that ... thing... off my leg and leapt up faster than I remembered I could move. The game was afoot. The line between terrified and outraged was crossed and this spider's clock was ticking. It is nearly impossible to find spiders on our carpet, even for the spidey-visioned, like myself. This is not aided by our notoriously awful lighting in our living room. One must also take into account that these guys know when you are looking at them and know when to move. I found him snuckered in under one of  the seams of the couch. I put my bare foot into one of Dan's shoes (yuck) and knocked him off his crimson pedestal. I knew he wasn't dead, but he and I were now on equal ground. He had the benefit of carpet that hides everything, but he didn't know about my stellar spidey-vision. He ventured for safety under the couch, forgetting that I am a very strong, very angry pregnant lady who has the ability to move a couch. Do not underestimate me. I can move all sorts of things. Car ramps moved, couch moved once, twice. No sign of the abomination. Maybe he went back the other way. Moved the couch back. Nothing. Time to move onto the coffee table. I'm pretty sure it weighs more than the couch, but don't you dare fret, I had it covered.

Computer placed safely on the couch, the coffee table performed a spectacular version of the hokey pokey: in, out, all about. I saw the 8 legged joke of evolution disappear under the table. The dance continued. He was as good as gone. As if the planets were aligning and Dark Angel was returning to TV to give us all the satisfying ending we deserve, everything was falling into place. The furniture was back in place and I had him in my sights. He knew I could see him so he wasn't moving, but this also means that spider jail was out of the question because I couldn't go get a cup or I could lose him. This was obviously not worth the risk. I had put on my slippers after verifying that they were spider free and more importantly, realizing that my foot was in Dan's shoe and I had put it there voluntarily. After all, the slippers already had the death of at least one other spider and an earwig. What's another death on their conscience? They get replaced at Christmas anyway- they aren't long for this world. The tricky part here is that we are on carpet and although the slippers have a hard-ish sole, they're no boot. This was going to involve a great deal of force. I took all of my 150 pounds (weight gaining success!) and put it on my right foot and did what can at best be described as a sguiggling flamingo. It was pure grace.

Forgetting that I'm, let me check my phone here, 26 weeks pregnant and my body is loosening in all sorts of ways and that I don't have the ankle strength and flexibility that I used to have when I was dancing all the time, I am not without injury from my escapade. My ankle has been throbbing somewhat intensely for a long while now and since I forgot to buy an ice pack at Target the other day and I see no sense in wasting perfectly good corn, it will continue to throb until it is done. I wouldn't consider walking especially comfortable either, but I remain victorious. (Update: It has been 10 hours since this event. The situation regarding my ankle is somewhat serious and I am more than a little embarrassed.)

As for the spider- I vacuumed up the evidence and his fragments rest in peace in my vacuum with so many others who have dared cross me and suffered the same suctiony fate. It's not a total loss for the spiders and earwigs though. We have a REALLY nice vacuum.

Oskar, the Lecturing Professor

The other day, our little family was sitting down for dinner. Oskar has become quite the conversationalist and as always, he loves to sing. I don't mind at all if he sings during dinner. It's quite sweet- generally. He can get really REALLY loud. I have a problem with one of my ears. I don't really know how to describe it, but there's a weird inner vibration that at a certain pitch and volume hurts really bad. Oskar was really excited and found his loud singing absolutely hilarious. Dan and I both tried calmly and quietly to explain and ask him to please be quiet because being so loud makes mommy's ear hurt. He proceeded to give both of us a 2 minute lecture on how to cover our ears when things are loud complete with demonstration. Dan and I were laughing so hard and he just kept talking at us, like why are you guys laughing? This is what you need to do! He didn't really get quieter, and he refused to understand that that mommy needed her hands for eating and couldn't cover her ears. So we listened to the smallest and loudest opera there has ever been.

This is his "my way of organizing is better than mommy's way" face.

He is quite the problem solver though. He had a sucker the other day. He knows that suckers are sticky and he didn't feel like holding it all the time. Our coffee table is made from reclaimed wood and because of that it has tiny holes in it from old nails and the fact that it is actual wood. Witness my little guy's problem solving skills:

Oskar continues to fear his tiny toilet so potty training has remained elusive. We'll keep trying. This must be done before November.

In Untero Nelson can best be described as combative. I was sitting earlier this evening with a bowl of grapes on my stomach, you know, like a good pregnant woman, and she kicked the bowl off of me. I'm not making this up and I am not exaggerating. There it was- gone. She can also be described as excessively stubborn. I thought that with all the moving around she does our 24 week ultrasound would go better. It absolutely did not. The doctor is pretty sure she doesn't have a cleft lip, but they can't say for sure. They were able to confirm it's a girl, so that was nice. I was talking to the tech and she said when I walked in she thought I was going to be her easiest patient all day. "You are tall and thin- that baby has all the room in the world to spread out and it's not hard to get images on women who are in shape." That is what she said. Little did she know that this baby enjoys snuggling face first into both the placenta and my hip. Baby moved everything but her head during that ultrasound. Little punk. And based on the tightness and pain I experience I'd be willing to bet that her little head is still down there. 

In general, I just think that she really doesn't like being in there. I feel like she is going to break out of my stomach like something you'd see on The X-Files (current binge-watching project). I know people understand that I'm pregnant, but I feel like if they see this in real life it will freak them out. Observe the reason why I'm awake while most are sleeping.

Still think I'm lying about her kicking a bowl off my stomach?